Dating In Recovery

Can You Date During Addiction Recovery?

While it’s natural to crave connection when you’re feeling lonely, depressed, or scared (feelings that often arise during recovery), addiction professionals do not recommend dating early in your recovery journey.

However, the more steadfast you become in your recovery, the more you may want to be around other individuals. After all, recovery is about building community, so it is natural to want a romantic connection or relationship during this time. If you do yearn for romance while in recovery, meet someone and want to date them, or find yourself in a relationship, rest assured that your wants and needs are valid.

Can you date in recovery? Yes, but the rule of thumb from addiction professionals is to wait at least one year into your recovery until you start dating.

If you do choose to date in recovery, remember that your ultimate priority is still your recovery. You should keep attending therapy and group meetings to maintain a strong support structure.

Being honest and upfront about your recovery with your partner is also important. They need to understand and get to know you fully. It may take time to break down your walls and feel comfortable enough to share details about your addiction, and you do not have to share everything right away, but they should know you are on a sobriety journey when you begin dating so that they can offer their full support.

Dangers Of Dating Too Early In The Recovery Process

Recovery is a time for self-care, reflection, and establishing structure. You are vulnerable in the early stages of your recovery, and you most likely are still learning how to deal with triggers, cravings, and urges. You may still be trying to navigate your new reality and are not at your strongest in terms of your mental and emotional health. Navigating a new relationship can be hard; it takes time, patience, a healthy mind, and an open heart. Unfortunately, the early stages of recovery are often not conducive to this, and adding a new relationship to the mix can result in unnecessary stressors.

Some of the risks of dating in recovery include:

Increased Stress And Anxiety

Involving another person in your daily life can increase stress and anxiety levels, as both partners are learning more about the other while also developing new routines. Even new relationships have a level of stress that can distract someone from the work of recovery.

Risk Of Relapse

Taking time away from your recovery to focus on someone else can potentially increase your risk of relapse, especially if you become stressed during this time. In every relationship, there are highs and lows, and in your early recovery, you may not yet have the coping skills or mental or emotional capacity to work through the lows, and as a result, you may spiral.

Risk Of Entering Into An Unhealthy Relationship

Addiction is not limited to substance abuse, but it can show up in other ways, such as behaviors and preoccupations with others. Focusing on a new relationship can lead to an obsession that grows into a codependent relationship.

Risk Of A Breakup Leading To Depression Or Anxiety

Unfortunately, relationships often end, and an end to a new relationship can bring feelings of heartbreak and depression, which can lead to the desire to use again.

5 Signs That It Is Not The Right Time To Date

1. You try to use dating to fill a void: People who struggle with substance use disorders (SUDs) are often trying to fill a void with alcohol or drugs. This void could be related to past trauma, self-esteem issues, loneliness, etc. Throughout recovery, people are taught healthy coping skills to recognize these voids, find ways to mend them, and adopt healthy habits and patterns. However, dating can be similar to addiction in the sense that many people date to try to fill a void. If you are dating for the wrong reasons or hoping they “heal you,” then you are not ready to date. 
2. You are not mentally ready to commit to another person: It is important to be in a healthy emotional and mental state before entering into a dating relationship; that means being prepared to commit if and when you meet the right person. If you are dating without the ability to commit, you risk causing a lot of turmoil to yourself and the other party involved when the relationship ends.
3. You have not achieved at least a year of sobriety: Having a year of sobriety under your belt is a solid rule when it comes to dating in recovery. You want to have the toolset and coping skills to deal with any stressors or triggers that arise.
4. You haven’t separated yourself from your old social circles or formed a new support system: In general, people from your past (before you entered recovery) are often viewed as triggers because they were most likely associated with your substance use. They may have used substances with you, encouraged you to use them, or did not support your need to enter into recovery. Part of being successful in recovery is learning to dissociate yourself from these people and form a new support system of people who encourage your recovery and are in your corner. It is important to have a strong support network when you are in a relationship, so you do not risk becoming codependent with that person.
5. You don’t feel comfortable being honest about your past drug or alcohol abuse: Entering into the dating world while you are in recovery means that you have to be honest about your past and your current recovery journey. You may not have to share everything at first, but it is important that your partner knows your journey and supports you and your recovery.

Red Flags To Avoid While Dating In Recovery

It’s easy to be excited when you meet someone you are interested in while you are in recovery. After all, you’ve spent much time alone and worked extremely hard in your sobriety. However, it’s still important to be mindful of who you are dating and to always prioritize your recovery.

Look for the following red flags in a partner:

• Someone who doesn’t support your recovery
• Someone who drinks and uses drugs
• Someone emotionally unavailable or unstable
• Someone who is controlling
• Someone who is codependent

It can be easy to become romantically involved with the wrong person, especially in the new and exciting stages of meeting someone. You worked too hard for your recovery to throw it away with the wrong person.

Dating Someone Who Is In Recovery

If you choose to date someone who is also on a recovery journey, remember these important things:

• Understand your partner’s triggers: Everyone’s triggers are different, so it’s important to have tough conversations about underlying triggers.
• Educate yourself about their addiction and recovery.
• Their recovery comes first: This is difficult as it is essential to note that you will never come first in your relationship because their recovery is more important. Without their recovery, they cannot be there for you.
• You are not responsible for rescuing or fixing them: Your partner must be accountable for their recovery, and although you can support them, they must do the work. If they do relapse, this is not your fault.
• Be patient and take it slow.
• Don’t forget to take care of yourself: This means taking a day to yourself, having your own friends, making sure you still enjoy your hobbies and passions, and even going to therapy or support groups for people who have loved ones in recovery.

Healthy relationships can thrive as individuals in recovery develop new habits and coping skills, ultimately creating the foundation for a stronger, happier relationship.

Get Started On Your Road To Recovery

While it can be tempting to date while in recovery, your primary focus should be on building a healthier, sober for yourself. If you are ready to get started on your recovery journey, contact a treatment provider today, risk-free.